Day 1.1

Day 1.1

It feels weird to see everyone around me act so "normal" when I don't feel "normal" at all.  It's the same feeling I've had when someone near to me dies.  Everyone carries on with their lives, as they should, and yet I feel so empty.  I'm jealous of her and the kids as they seem so "normal" and even happy when I can't shake the feeling I've dug my own grave in some way.  I helped moving the big stuff from our house to her house.  I tried to to talk about my feelings, and she said I was "wearing her out."  I can totally relate...that's how I've felt, too, for many years...like her unhappiness sucked away my own energy.  Of course that was very self-centered of me.  Even the kids don't see us all coming back together.  They older one said mommy wanted to keep going her own way for far into the future.  The younger one said she didn't see us back together again as a family.  Both kids see this as a new adventure.  I'm proud that's their perspective...makes me feel a little more abandoned, though.